Monday, February 06, 2012

The longer you stay away ...

... the harder it is to come back.

A week or so ago, son #2 pointed out that I had been quite absent on the blog in the month of January.  He pulled up the archives and detailed the number of posts in 2007 (14), 2008 (14), 2009 (27!), 2010 (16), 2011 (23) and 2012 (3).  Clearly, 2012 has not started off as a wordy year here.

Seems that whenever I approach the computer to peck out a post, there are just more important things to do ... or that what I have to say just doesn't feel particularly compelling or blog-worthy.  I'm pretty sure most people who have written online feel that way at some point.

So, should I come back, I keep asking myself.

There are problems with blogging ...

I confess to wanting to brag a bit, especially when it comes to children and one little granddaughter.  I like to show you pretty things, especially if I made them or grew them; I like it when you say kind things in the comments or tell me you love my recipe or admire my quilt or agree with me in a nice way.  I like approval.  I want it.

I confess to self-consciousness.  The nature of a blog is narcissistic.  I say, "I did that.  went there.  I thought that.  I made that." I talk about me.

I have a rather embarrassing memory of "show and tell" in the 3rd grade, when I didn't really have anything particular to show, so I "told" ... a longish and rather embellished version of a story with me as the main character.  To this day, I feel the third grade chagrin of being told that, though I didn't think I was finished with the story, my turn was over.  Please sit down.  I wanted to teacher to say, "How interesting!  Tell us more."  It's good for me she didn't.

Now, I am not that embellishing third grader anymore, but I have wondered sometimes if it isn't time for me to scuff back to my chair while someone who really has something to show and something to tell steps up to the front of the room.  There are plenty of wise, witty, creative, talented, thoughtful, bloggers out there who take amazing pictures and seem to be able to post enlightening, encouraging words every day with ease.  Let me step aside.

But wait ... though I know there are others far more polished, well written, beautiful, and interesting blogs than this one and thought I hate the narcissistic, bragging, selfish, people-pleasing tendencies in my heart, that's not why I write.  Fighting those self-seeking-sinful habits (let's call them what they are), I try to write to point to God.  The whole reason I started this little blog was to tell Ebenezer stories.

I still want to do that.  Perhaps, more than ever.  Perhaps, more than ever I, you, we need reminding that God leads - here, there, and everywhere, in the momentous, micro, and mundane.  My, our unembellished daily lives with their sometimes ordinary, sometimes stunning moments are full of Ebenezer stories.

Remember, back in January ... that last post almost a month ago ... I told you that I was camping out in the words of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing."  Well, for this whole month, I've been stuck on the phrase:

"tune my heart to sing thy grace,"

I haven't been able to get past it. At this rate, I won't make it through the song in a year!  I've sat outside every morning, turning that one line over and over and over in my head, because, well, I think my heart has needed a bit of tuning.  

Tuning to sing grace.

I'm still thinking about that and what it means for me personally.  But I'm ready to be back in this space ... to write about daffodils and dissections, soup and soccer, books and birthdays, cardinals and Clara and knitting and quilts and church and travels and friends and kids growing up and whatever else happens around here, because that's what I know ... and that's where I daily learn to see and sing the message of God's abundant grace.  As my friend Lisa said  just today, in reflecting on her own writing, "Take from it what you will."


Scotty and Lisa said...

I'm glad you're back. I like to hear about you and see all that God is doing, too. :)

Susan said...

I don't know if my post showed up because I got a funny message that acted like I am not recognized by Blogger. So, just in case it didn't go through, I just want to say that I am really happy you are sticking around because I would miss you and your encouraging, simple, sweet ways (and wise words) terribly. I love when a message from you shows up in my reader! :-)


Sweetums5 said...

Came here through Elizabeth Foss's shared items. Thanks for your thoughtful post! I, too, have been away from my blog, and you've described exactly how I feel. Enjoyed your writing. I hope to get back to my blog soon. =) Blessings!

kkp said...

glad to have you back. :) we love reading from here, even if it does make us a little homesick.

and after all, your ebenezer stories were pretty influential in my decision to stick it out with j those years ago when i was unsure i could commit to something so big, especially when he was about to move to egypt.

i'm not sure if i ever told you this, but the little bits of beautiful space and time i read about here endeared me to each and every one of you and helped bring me to a place where i knew i'd have the love and support i'd need to make it through a year of j living abroad.

all of this is to say, please keep writing.

dil khush!

Laura A said...

I just always thought you were writing about what you were thankful for! It seems like a very nice life. And also, I like blogs like yours, that seem to be done from the heart rather than as a business.

But I understand what you mean. I've had some trouble blogging since we moved. There are very concrete reasons for the difficulty, but at least one of them is tuning my heart to sing his grace.

Anyway, I'm glad you're back!

Missy K said...

Well-- yes friend-- you are singing His glory-- the Beth-note He has appointed for you to sing.

I must believe that He sings and shines through all our mixed motives and rambling shares-- if we keep coming back to tuning our hearts.

Love to you.

Bonnie said...

I think of Francis Schaeffer's words at the end of his letters : Keep on keeping on. I thought you were busy these last weeks which is why you weren't writing OR just getting over the busy holidays. Keep on. It is good to hear what you are doing and thinking. Very inspirational and encouraging and so much beauty!

Carla said...

Love you and your writing! Love you in person best!

deb colarossi said...

I so agree.