Saturday, August 20, 2011

* sigh *

We went to the airport very early this morning.

Matthew was heading back to Minneapolis.

Lump in my throat.  Tears ready to spill.

They grow up waaaaay too fast and some of them go waaaaaay too far away.  That's how I feel at the moment.  

Matthew's tender, compassionate heart was stretched by the hard stories of many of the children with whom he worked this summer - children who live in very dysfunctional families and some who have been taken out of even worse circumstances.   I'm sure those children felt the love of my young man.  I'm sure he made many of them laugh.  Some of the inner city kids he worked with one week said they wished he was their teacher all the time.  I'm not surprised.

So, there's a hole here today.  A big Matthew-sized hole.  I'll get used to his absence again in a few days, but for now, it just feels way too empty here.

It's a double-whammy empty because Andrew's also gone.  He left for school while we were in Bolivia.  I glanced in his room the day I got back and saw his charcoal gray bedspread gone, a big empty space in the wall where his massive picture of Paris had hung, the closet empty.  Yeah, sigh.

I'm so thankful that Andrew was at home this summer, too.  Back in the spring, when he was interviewing for internships and considering options, we wondered if he'd be here.  I'm so glad he was.  He had a good summer, learning lots in his job at Piedmont and earning high praise from his bosses, and the love and appreciation of his co-workers, young and old.  I know at least one of them cried when he said good-bye. 

At least, he's not too far away.  Only a couple of hours away and I can go visit soon.  I don't have a "going away" picture for Andrew, but how about this one?  Fun, huh!

This was at our friend, Germaine's wedding.  Andrew and his "little sister" Angela look so cute and happy, don't they!

We work hard to raise our children.  I pray and long for mine to know and love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.  I want them to grow up to be kind-hearted, hard working, generous, thoughtful, creative. I want them to go out in the world and walk the path God has for them.  So, really, I am glad for their going, their stepping out.  They've got to go in order to find God's way for them.

But, when they round the corner and disappear through the airport security line, when they pull out of the driveway with the car loaded, when their room is empty and their voices not heard in these spaces...

Well, I feel it.


Valerie Johnson said...

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story of a Mama's love for her very special son...I have one of those too!!
It can be so heart wrenching to watch them grow and go, and at the same time our hearts grow and fill with the love of the beautiful people our Lord has placed in our hands to watch them mature and make their way in this world touching lives in such powerful done good fellow Mama!!!

Trish T. said...

I understand! Love you!

Susan said...

Well, you put a lump in my throat. I know how it is to miss our grown children, but I also know how it is to want them to follow God's path for them.


tonia said...

oh Beth. (((you))) making me cry today...all this lying ahead for me and I can feel it coming. Love you.

Hope you are resting up.

Laura A said...

Oh, this is hard. I felt a lump yesterday just because we left CZ's room behind, and the marks where we measured her height in the hallway. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have the real cild disappear through the security line. That's a good way of putting it, though.